First things first, the answer to the question in the title is “NO.”
I’m gonna start off talking about this one fine evening when I was riding back home with a friend (who I met after years of procrastination for reasons unknown). I don’t really remember why but we were discussing about me wanting to get married soon, I was 25 when I said this. (please know my memory is terribly selective in remembering stuff)
And prompt came his reply, “WHY ARE YOU SO DESPERATE TO FALL IN LOVE?” Honestly, it wasn’t expected & so my immediate reaction was a stern look at him. I remember rambling something in my defence. I may not recollect my exact words but I said something like “You’d not get it. It’s not just about falling in love or getting married, it’s something more deep-rooted. Also, I’m far from being desperate because if I was, I would’ve happily dated any & every random guy. I haven’t.”
Yes, you’ve read that right. I was 25 & single with no dating/relationship history. Obviously I’ve had like so many crushes! Also, I did have a bestfriend whom I loved immensely & a couple of “prospects” but I happily let go off them as they wouldn’t have made it to the future & I never wanted to be with someone for the thrill. I was always very sure of being with someone that “LOVES ME FOREVER.” (Yeah, I believe in forevers. I’m a very old school romantic).
A couple of weeks ago, another friend of mine said, “Why do you wanna be in love? It sucks. It’s does no good.” She spoke about her relationship & also about her best friend’s love story. She emphasised on how “self-love” & “career” are way superior than having a romantic partner.
Well, last night, I watched this video that talks about “Neuroscience Of Love” & it made me realise how my feelings were “natural” & luckily I have a good control over my brain (PFC) which hasn’t been “desperate” & settled for any random guy. You can watch it here : https://youtu.be/751tAVlH0Y8
But there’s more to my quest. There’s a genuine reason why I am “hopeful” not “desperate” to fall in love. The other day I stumbled upon an article that quoted :
The beginning stages of love, as well as how we pursue and give it throughout our lives, depends a lot on our parents, explained the psychologist. “We are born as helpless infants, dependent on our parent to fulfill our needs. Love, then, becomes need fulfillment and we seek this same love out as adults,” she says.
“If your parents fulfilled your need to be emotionally nurtured by giving you love, you then developed into an adult who has love to give. But if your emotional needs were not nurtured, you did not fully develop and instead became a demanding and anxious adult still seeking the love you missed as a child.”
Karla Menninger : “Love cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”
I read another one which spoke about the role self-image especially your body image plays in the psychology of love. Having been someone on the heavier side of weight ( no sympathies, I’m proud of it & there’s so much history to the weight gain, so never mind) , I can totally relate & understand how it makes it more difficult. I’ve had guys telling me “I love you, if only you were thinner, we would’ve been a thing.” “You’re so amazing, just the kinda girl I would wanna have, will you be my BEST FRIEND?” Funny right? Lol, but not at all surprising. I can totally understand how our brains are conditioned to feel attracted to a certain body type. But it feels stupid when you know you deserve the love you crave but you may not find it because they’re busy looking at the weighing scale.
Victor Hugo : The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
I’m not gonna divert & get into the details about how & why this plays a role in my life as that’s the chapter I may never open up to but I do want to reiterate that I want to fall in love. I want to have a partner who can spoil me with happiness. I want to have a man who can “complete” me & fill up all the voids.
Blaise Pascal : “The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.”
Does that mean I’m pulling up a stack of expectations on my future partner? NO. Does that mean I’m waiting for him to be happy & would roam being a sad mess? NO. Does that mean I’m being desperate? Lol, definitely NOT.
It means I’ve a lot of hopes. It means I have many emotions that go beyond happiness which aren’t even felt by me, the ones which I think he may help me get to. It means I am seeking for love with all my heart.
Loving somebody is the conscious decision you make to be together, to trust them, to care for them. You can love your friends, you can love your family. But, you can’t (or weren’t) be in love with those people. That’s a completely different feeling. And I want to experience that feeling. Even if it means being heart broken at the end of it, I’m all in for the gamble.
You may think there isn’t anything THAT great about being loved. After all, it’s just another emotion for you to live without, right? Wrong. Being loved feels so amazing because it’s such a powerful feeling that drives us, as humans, to exist.
Our innate desire is to find others to love us and to be accepted. That’s why feeling loved is just so great. It’s in our DNA to want to be loved in order for our species to survive. The trouble with this is that when you don’t feel it, it affects you more than any other feeling.
The heady rush of falling in love is intoxicating and refreshing at the same time. When you are in love, the world seems like a great place to be in. Love has that effect on. Life seems worthy of living, and fate seems more giving. Being in love is therefore one of the most enriching and precious experiences of one’s life.
William Blake : “Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a heaven in hell’s despair.”